I have always had the ability as far as I can remember, to see beauty in unlikely places and candidates.
But not always in myself.
Recently in an effort to combat self diagnosed depression I have started Running. Well I walk more than I run in all honesty but I run in timed short bursts during my walk. I do it this way as I am seriously unfit and starting from scratch.
When I say self diagnosed, that is because I know how it feels, having been medically diagnosed with Depression once before and also additionally having suffered with PND, for which medication was needed. I will be seeing a doctor regarding this shortly. I don't really want to talk about it all too much here. Each Time I experience it it is a little different but key elements are intrinsically the same. Sometimes I see them creeping into my life and halt it (the depression) in its tracks. This time it seems I just opened my eyes one day with a shocking realisation that I was tightly in its grip. I can't write about it when I am in its depths and I don't want to give it a voice when its grip is loosening.
Right now I have been on the exercise track for 8 days and of those 8 days I have gone out 6 mornings. I'm continuing to make progress and improve my physical strength and ability. Though this was not my purpose.
On Friday as I got dressed I looked at my face in the bathroom mirror and I thought I looked pretty. Nothing was different to the day before or the week before really ... oh but wait my eyes had a sparkle, My skin had a ... glow?
When I ran yesterday I realised that my internal dialogue as I run had changed and instead of having a 'conversation' with the depression I was listing the flow on benefits of the running such as drinking more water, having more energy, a better ability to focus on things, healthy skin, clear eyes, stronger mind.
I though 'hey that's why I felt pretty'
Pretty is a state of mind!
Its so very simple and obvious but it seemed profound to me in that moment.
Stronger mind. :)