Finding balance, rhythm, time ...
Since I started my new job I often and most of the time feel a bit like this guy ... just holding on and trying to maintain balance against the flow.
|Holding on for his life, on my neighbours roof in a fierce wind|
I love my job, because of it I'm struggling to reconcile things at home.
I now work on what used to be my 'child free days' so I don't have any luxury mental down time days any more, well I have gone from at least two a week to sometimes one a fortnight.
I frequently hear things like, 'there are no pants in my drawer', 'Mum, I don't have any socks' and 'we had that for dinner two nights ago'. My ironing board is permanently set up in the living area, the once ( recently ) empty ironing basket is overflowing again and I do not recall when the last time I Vacced the floor was.
I miss having home baked goodies to pop into lunch boxes and on hand for snacks. I'm usually super tired and going to bed early.
The weekend was gorgeous in terms of weather.
Saturday I went and did some crafty things and had a natter to a very dear and old friend which was gold for my soul. While I was out LOML knuckled down and got stuck into the routine housework things that were weighing me down, the dishes, washing, kitchen, bins ... general stuff. Love you Babe. Thanks so much.
On Sunday he mowed and I weeded a section and mulched it. There is still about 3/4 the ornamental bed to go, but it felt good to be out in the sun and doing something productive and physical.
I 'm thinking a time will come where I will feel that no mental down time is 'normal' and adjust to it accordingly and that with that normality and acceptance an ability to do the other things with more ease will accompany it.
I'm trying to remember that what I tell my self is what I begin to believe so saying I'm so tired and I can't do this and its overwhelming are not helpful things to have running around in my head.
I went to bed with a head ache exhausted last night and made a decision to think about what was possible for me to do today and what I would do this morning, such as work with energy and enthusiasm, enjoy the progress and feel less pressure.
I have a few items of my basic house keeping under my belt and have run an errand, I feel I have regained some footing today and am happy with what I am hearing. The tiredness and headache are starting to creep in now but as I have made progress they are not debilitating to the degree I might otherwise let them be. There's still time for a power nap which really works wonders for me. 10 or 15 mins are wonderful.
I have once again been reminded that sometimes a break to feed your soul and spirit with a non essential detour is really the direction you need to go in to stay on track.
If you have a negative mantra swimming around in your head try changing its pattern and see what is possible :)