Perhaps closing my emotional door is something I don't do hastily because I invest deeply when it comes to emotion. Loyalty and Trust are not things I would give to someone without thought. Once I have given these to you, please know that you hold a considerable investment of mine.
However, once my emotional door closes on someone, it does so with ease. Its not even really a process that involves making a decision. It just organically happens like a switch that is flicked once my limits have been reached.
I have often put up with lengthy stretches of rubbish behaviour and insanely low levels of Respect in relationships because I had invested in someone. Then suddenly self love will step up and slam that emotional door with force. "Out you go and make sure the door doesn't hit you on the way!" Sometimes my door will be closed so firmly that if you came metaphorically knocking, it would be as if I wasn't home.
That's not to say I haven't been swayed by such things as haughty promises and bargaining. I have given second chances, heck ... maybe even some third chances ... There have been times when someone wedged their foot in the door on the way out and were welcomed back in. But once the emotional door is closed to you, really closed, there is no coming back into the warmth. No amount of cajoling or promises of better behaviour will let you back in.
I still have an open door for people I haven't seen or spoken to in years. They may not be present or active in my life but they still have my emotional investment. It occurs to me though - they may not even be aware they are holding my precious emotional energy.
All this leads to a question that has been on my mind a lot lately. Can you consciously close your emotional door? Or is it an organic process you have no say in? Can I, go about like a debt collector, metaphorically knocking on doors asking to have back what I once gave you; because I'd get a better return if I invested that emotion/energy elsewhere? Or is the closure of an emotional door simply a protective mechanism that kicks into action automatically at a particular point.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.
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