My Harshest Critic

Lately, I've really dropped the ball with all the organisation systems I set in place at the start of the year. I retreat into my crochet, making pretty things while the clutter and chaos build around me.


So, a few days ago I had a realisation that crochet is not just about creativity for me. It is also a symptom of anxiety; something I retreat into, take pride in and can control completely. It is a source of Self Validation! Once I had realised this I decided to get out a planner or folder the next day ... to do at least one thing ... to try and gain some semblance of order, to self-validate in another way.

That night I had a dream that in its most abbreviated form was as follows:-
I was at my place of work, not loving it and feeling Blah. I knew that my new Boss was coming tomorrow and she would not be impressed, I was quite sure she would fire me and tell me I was not good at the managers position, I knew she was right. She was going to tell me all about the girl who used to do my job, she loved that girl and wanted her back in the position. ( this made me feel all eye rolly and sarcastically gushy )
I was resigned to the fact that I was so bad at my job I deserved to get fired. I thought about asking the Mr if I could just quit my job but I knew the family really relied on me to do that job and he would not think it was a good idea.
So, I decided I had just better pull my socks up because my Family needed me to, my boss couldn't fire me without a reason, I was ready to fight, I knew my rights and I could do the job as well as the goody two shoes who made it look like a breeze a few months ago.

Gotta love how our subconscious delivers messages to us at times!

7 comments:

  1. Tammy, I just love your crochet regardless of why you do it :-) I do hope things get a little better for you as the year wears on. Little bit by little bit.. that's the way to go.

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    1. Thank you! I do enjoy it My crochet for the simple art it is, and my way forward is just as you say a little something every day. x

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  2. I turn to craft when I'm anxious too... especially the yarny sorts.

    You are more than good enough. Give yourself a break. Hope you have a dream about winning a tropical holiday tonight.

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  3. I turn to craft when I'm anxious too... especially the yarny sorts.

    You are more than good enough. Give yourself a break. Hope you have a dream about winning a tropical holiday tonight.

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  4. Absolutely love that mandala - the vibrant colours, the pattern - everything about it. Is there a pattern for it somewhere on the net ? xox

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    1. Hi Dorothy its a paid pattern from Sarah London https://sarahlondon.wordpress.com/2013/07/05/crochet-class-make-a-mandala/
      I used beautiful Catania cotton for mine, I just realised I have never blogged about it!

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