Have you ever had something happen that just seems to jolt you from the everyday-ness of life and routine to this kind of awake self awareness? It has happened to me a few tomes in the last five years or so, once when the large elderly man in front of me in a queue collapsed and I caught him, easing his heavy unconscious self to the ground with a bit more gentleness than what he would have hit it had I not been there.
It also happened but not to the same degree when I was walking to pick up my daughter from school and I fell over, it was winter and I had my hands in my pockets. I slipped on some gravel and hit the ground hard I injured myself and was in mild shock.
|stormy skies over the tree tops in our garden.|
It happened again yesterday.
I 'lost' my daughter outside the school grounds on the way home after school yesterday.
I really don't want to make a bigger deal of it than what it is,when I say lost, I didn't know where she was. She was perfectly safe and not in harms way but also not where I expected her to be, there was impulsive emotionally influenced dishonesty involved which scares me but ultimately it was just a major learning experience for both of us. Though in those minutes, those 5 to 10 minutes when I din't know where she was something changed. Where my mind went, my body panic instincts, the fear and auto operation mode processes that kicked into action within me while I frantically searched for her, marked me permanently.
|sulphur crested cockatoo watching with a sharp eye.|
I realised that I have taken my eyes off the big picture.
I'm focussed on the stuff, the small stuff, the things.
I'm needing to engage, purge and experience.
Now comes a process of deciding what to let go, its not as hard as it would have been yesterday.
So I move forward. Rattled, wiser and Gently, Gently.