"Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so"

Well here I am starting a post about something much more personal than I would usually write about here but for myself I need to record it. This is a topic that I have found people to be VERY opinionated about,so I would just like to say upfront that this is my experience, thoughts and feelings and if you don't like it don't read it OK.

I breastfed Miss until she was 14 months old , by that stage we had mutually weaned down to one feed a day at bedtime and she decided one night she was over it and refused, I tried the next night and she wouldn't even look at it. I was very upset at the time, while I had not planned to go on indefinitely and knew the end was somewhere near, there was no definite end point in sight for me at the time and I felt extremely rejected and sad that the 'baby bonding' was OVER. IYKWIM.
Then after a few days my wondeful partner shone a light of different perspective on it for me saying 'Don't you think it is better that she has decided for herself rather than you deciding and her not wanting to go along with it ?' This was what helped me to accept it readily and move on.

Fast forward to Mr. My breast feeding experience with this little man has certainly not been the easy Street it was with Miss . I have suffered numerous blocked ducts and had Mastitis too. So I certainly see an end in sight to this much more easily than I could with DD but in having said that I still don't know when that will be, I am still hoping it will be mainly mutual.
Right now Mr is teething and on about day 4 of a yukky head cold. The first day or two he struggled with congestion and took frequent 'breathers' when feeding, we used Saline to try and help alleviate it. He still has 4 breast feeds a day in addition to 3 solid feeds at each breast feed he has both sides, on the second and third day he refused one side at one of the 4 feeds during the day.
Yesterday he refused both sides all day !!!!
Not only did he refuse but as soon as I reclined him into position he would shove and cry in distress trying to get away. I tried at each scheduled feed ( and a few more ), I tried different positions too. By the end of the day I was thinking that this may be the end, I had a feeling of despair and was a bit sore and Sorry for myself after a day of hand expressing.
Even though I haven't enjoyed it in the same way I did with DD I was certainly not ready for this abrupt rejection I found myself remembering a LO Kathie Link had in FK last year with "don't forget" and journalling including something about a sleepy 'milk drunk' baby and found myself thinking about all of the times I had thought to do something in the same vein and journal about those special little things like the tiny fragile baby hand on my rib cage and the gentle twisting and playing with my fringe and hair as he got older while I was feeding him.
At this point I could not even recall the last feed : (


I am happy to report almost 10 hours after I started to write this morning that we are back to our normal breast feeding schedule, the first one with a bit of coaxing and a little trickery on my behalf and the rest totally voluntarily.

I saw this quote on a LO by Suz Doyle that seemed quite appropriate...

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so.” Mary Jean Iron.

What is it in your Normal days that you don't appreciate as the treasure it is?

6 comments:

  1. Beautiful Tammy, warm fuzzies everywhere, one very important part of your lives, thank you for sharing...xxx

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  2. thankyou Tammy for sharing that beautiful, tender & intimate post... I love that verse and will write it so that I don't let the forget to look for the treasure in my normal days.. hugs gill x

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  3. Thank you for sharing Tammy, still wiping away the tears here. I too was sad when my kids decided enough was enough. We want them to be our babies forever don't we? It is such a special time and there are so many reasons we want to "hurry" them up into growing up and then other times we just want to hold them and breathe in their air. Off to go and breathe me kids' air right now - thank you for reminding me how special they are. And thanks again for sharing... Petrina.

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  4. Tammy I could relate to quite a bit in your post....my eldest daughter Olivia was still having breast milk until she was 17 months, yet my youngest and craziest girl Charlotte, abruptly refused the breast when she had a bad cold at 13 months and that was that! It was heartbreaking.

    As far as not appreciating the normal part of my day for the treasure that it is....I guess I really don't appreciate my children waking up at 5.30am each morning...maybe I should see it as a positive that we get to spend more time together that way or something!! I still think a sleep in isn't too much to ask ;-)

    Have a great weekend!
    Megan xx

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  5. TFS Tammy :) They are little for such a short time. We need to treasure every moment.
    Due to me having to go back to work Brad stopped feeding at 10 weeks :( that was really upsetting for me. I was determined with Sian that I was not going to let anything get in the way... well :( she went into special care and I didn't think I could BF her at all. But day 6 and we were successful on our first BF and it was then when she was 10 months old she went onto a bottle (not entirely by my choice)

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  6. Tammy even though as you say, its not something you would usually write - you really wrote it beautifully.

    I too saw the quote Suz had on her blog and wrote it down. I think its all the 'normal days' that seem to make time go by so quickly, I need to appreciate them all and try to make them count.

    P.S Still think we need to move somewhere cooler, was so disappointed the heat came back today after our heavenly night last night :)

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